Perspective

Well, there has been 8 months since my last post which isn't a surprise from my perspective. After all, should it be surprising that a blog where the inaugural post communicates a personal inability to follow through on commitments was dropped for two-thirds of an entire year? No, it should not be a surprise.

What might be a surprise is that within the last eight months a prodigious shift in the status quo occurred which I personally am still dealing with tong-term, but which taught a valuable lesson in the short term. I am, of course, talking about the death of a close, dear friend, a brother, back in April. This won't be a post which goes into detail about what happened, I don't know if I am ready to publish that information (or will ever be able publish it), but I did want to post a few lines regarding a lesson I learned in the aftermath.

In the first post, In Media Res, I revealed how the 500 hours I spent playing a video game were seen as a waste of time and energy because of the lack of a concrete, tangible outcome after investing all the time, energy and effort into the game. I still believe that it's preferable to spend 500 hours at a constructive endeavor, but my previous disgust at what I thought was a waste of time has been tempered by the fact that a majority of those 500 hours were spent playing that game with my brother, Jubal. Locked in the gray matter of my brain are memories of hours of enjoyment with a friend I knew for 25 years. What 8 months ago was disdainful has become bittersweet, and now I recall fondly the conversations and insights which accompanied late-night gaming sessions. I wouldn't trade those 500 hours for all the prestige in the world.

So, here we are eight months later and the 500 hundred hours project is being re-tooled in light of the lessons since April 30th. A re-commitment to the blog is a consequence of the re-dedication to going back into the gym; the counter will start back at 0 as of 10/20/10. I look forward to re-engaging my physical development as I have missed it over the last few months. The spiritual and mental development was in inverse proportion with the physical development, so I am loathe to call the last 8 months as worthless.

To end, the message for this post at least is to remember that a lot can change in a short period of time and while some change will be good and some will be bad, our ability to put events into perspective can sustain us through despair and restrain us through our heady moments.

Take care and keep in touch.

In Medias Res

"20 Days, 18 Hours and 26 Minutes"

Creation can be a fickle process; lightning may strike leaving a masterpiece or it may stumble through fits and starts to an elaborate gimcrack; inspiration may beget mediocrity and persistence can reveal the sublime. A craftsman cannot discriminate beforehand between the inspired lightning strike or the pedestrian trinket, but learns to pursue it to an end to find out. This is the approach I will have to take as I create my own web-log.

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At the age of 31, owner of a house, gainfully employed and recently wed my life evolved on January 18th, 2010 in a dramatic manner. The catalyst for this change is minuscule (I'll clarify momentarily) but the aftershocks may prove to be epic. Only time will tell. The "blog" (if you know me I despise, detest and deplore this word.) will be utilized to share my life leading up to my minor epiphany plus the resolutions. It is my hope that by publicly publishing my thoughts and ideas that I ingrain a certain accountability function (I'll explain this later). I also believe that a public forum creates an opportunity for competing thoughts, encouragement and support to flow freely. Consider this a 21st Century version of the "Stoa Basileios".

The epiphany: If you do the math, 20 days, 18 Hours and 26 Minutes works out to be just under 500 full hours. This corresponds to the amount of time I spent over the course of 2 years playing a video game before I reached a point I felt I could advance no further. The game: irrelevant; the end point: not important. What I will say is that once the "goal" was met, I had no sense of completion, no sense of exhilaration from seeing the product of my "labor". Shortly after, I saw an indicator on the screen displaying the indisputable fact that I had spent 20 days, 18 hours and 26 minutes in my pursuit. The ancient Greeks had a word for unhappiness, kakodaimonia* and this was my first recognition of feeling kakodaimonia.

Socrates says that an unexamined life is not worth living, so over the next few days I contemplated my "achievement" and some of my 31 years leading up to it. I came to these conclusions and related questions:

• I have essentially the same habits in life that I had 10 or even 15 years ago. Is it possible that there has been no personal growth over that time?
• I have rarely committed my self to any goal in life with the exception of all the video games I played from start to finish over the years. What could I accomplish if I did commit myself 100% to another endeavor?
• 500 hours devoted to a goal with no constructive result or benefit is not a pattern I want to repeat during the next 30 years. What can I devote time, energy and effort to so that after 500 hours I can see results?

The 3rd point intrigued me as I sought to find a challenge that I could pursue. It was during a session at Anytime Fitness that I had the following thought: "If I could devote 500 hours of my life to playing a video game, why couldn't I devote 500 hours to working out?" Weight training will provide me with a physical result that I can use to gauge development. The time commitment of 500 hours is doable as it would be approximately 5 hours a week over the course of 2 years. I've spent the last few weeks reflecting on whether I have the commitment to follow-through.

This "E-Stoa" is my public commitment that I will spend 500 hours over the next 2 years in the gym. Feel free to communicate with me and ask about my progress. In fact, as a part of the built-in accountability function of the blog, if I can't tell you exactly how many hours I have invested in my challenge when asked (verbally, in-person) than I will take you out for lunch!

More posts will come, more challenges lay ahead and the results will tell the tale.

*It is my intent to reveal the meaning of kakodaimonia and emphasize its more positive counterpart eudaimonia in future posts.